Whether you want to call it DEATH STORM, SNOWPOCALYPSE, STORMAGEDON,snOMG, or SNOW MAMA yesterdays storm was pretty epic. The weather people were all over the place trying to predict how much snow we were going to get from this storm. I heard any where from 9 to 20 inches and possibly 2 feet. Even Hampton's Chief Meteorologist Courtney Hamilton deployed sophisticated scientific equipment (a stick I pounded into the ground and tied a string to) to get an accurate measurement of the amount of snow we would get. This storm was going to be a doosy and school and event closing alerts were being broadcasted on the main stream media, everything was closing, except for one place. The I-Wireless was hosting a concert of epic proportion with 4 bands I have never heard of. There was Avenged Angel Dust, Sour Grapes, Undead something and Gort, or I at least think that was their names, and not even a storm with the potential to kill people was going to stop them from playing to their masses of future Darwin Award winners who traveled from as far as Dubuque and Waterloo. The reason I am mentioning the I-Wireless Center is because last week I had signed up to work overtime there as EMS not knowing of the imminent wrath of God heading our way. The day of the concert I am expecting for this to be cancelled but no, the show must go on so as the storm is beginning I'm heading into town. The concert lasts until 11 pm and the masses of drunken heavy metalers hit the road at the point when the storm was at its worst. Its at this point that I thank God for 4 wheel drive because as I drove home I pass several eco friendly granola mobiles stuck in the snow, its hard to save on gas when you aren't moving, he he he.
The next day I get up to find 17 inches of snow covering the front yard and driveway of my home according to the sophisticated weather equipment deployed the day before, but the most suprising thing was nothing was done. There were no celebrities cleaning up the mess, no benifit concert led by Bono to raise relief money for me and my family, the U.N. wasn't there to fuck up providing aid to me nor was ther a billion dollar check in my mail box from the Government to help me get back on my feet. I had heard that the National Guard was at the Hampton Fire Station and was wondering why they weren't mobalized in my driveway, so I called Mayor Kevin Irby of Hampton to find out what the hell was going on and he immediately hung up on me. My next course of action was to call my friend and Congressman, Bobby Schilling to find out where my billion dollar check was but then realized I had voted for him so he would go to Washington to stop the Government from sending out large checks for stupid reasons. So I was forced to do it myself, with shovel in hand I blazed a trail to the driveway and started clearing the snow and then came my neighbor Larry and his trusty snow blower. Within an hour we were able to clear the driveway without the help of Brad Pitt, Bono or Angelina Jolie or Jessica Alba naked with a snow shovels. So let the harrowing tale of my survival be told to the world and never rely on Bono, the U.N. or the Government to do anything, if you want it done right, do it yourself.
